Stop Telling Me I’ll Change My Mind About Having Children!

Recently, I’ve been reading many wonderful texts about people who chose not to have children being bullied because of it, and it reminds me of how my dad can’t pull his head out of his ass for five seconds enough to actually listen to me when I say that, NO, I don’t want to have children. “You’ll change your mind,” he says. “Your mom also didn’t want them.”

Well. Will you look at that. Putting aside the fact that, according to him, he was the one who wanted babies so badly, the memories I have of him actually putting any effort into raising us are nonexistent. Yesterday was father’s day and I forced myself to mutter a “happy father’s day” to him, to which my mother said, “isn’t that everyday?”. I  managed – just barely – to keep my mouth wisely shut and not reply, “not really, in his case”. So, with bad parenting in mind, here is my list of reasons why I don’t plan on having children in this lifetime.

  1. I don’t want to have children.
  2. I don’t want to go through pregnancy and its many inconveniences.
  3. I don’t want to go through months waking up every few hours at night or not sleeping at all.
  4. My life is complicated enough without having to be responsible for someone else’s safety at the moment.
  5. I currently have no income and am studying some tough course that takes a lot of dedication, time and effort before I am graduated, and then some more until I get into a comfortable position in life.
  6. I think educating someone to inhabit the world and live in a community takes quite a lot of effort, time, dedication and patience, which will, naturally, be deducted from other things in my life (see item #5), like travelling, reading and socializing.
  7. I also think that today’s world hardly leaves time for properly raising kids. Many parents barely see their children, talk to them, play with them or are aware of what’s going on in their lives. Simply put, I would hate to be an absent parent.
  8. I wouldn’t enjoy indulging a toddler every day, for years. I don’t find the games and plays amusing and would easily lose interest and become frustrated. I think it’s a miserably depressing situation when the kid is ignored by the parent that just wants to watch TV all the time  and the adult is forced to give attention and do things they hate every single day. How would you feel if you were in a relationship where you’re having fun sharing what you love doing with the other person, and you see they appear to be having as much fun as you are, and you assume there’s a huge connection there because of it – but then you find out they were pretending the whole time and hated every minute of it? That’s heartbreaking, on top of depressing.
  9. I think teenagers are the devil.
  10. In spite of my intense routine, the little time I make is for myself. And that is something I’m quite comfortable with and don’t want to see get downsized or even completely obliterated by having to dedicate it to someone who needs me.
  11. My parents are starting to enter that age where they’ll need me and that alone will be tricky enough without having to manage kids, too.
  12. I’m eager to spread my wings, travel, see the world, experiment things, so I don’t want a dog holding me back, much less a kid (the no dog actually is quite a bummer to me, to be honest).
  13. I think it’s selfish (and a little immature) to have children because its what’s expected of you and then not take the time to at least try your best to mold them into decent adults because you are frustrated over everything you wanted to do but can’t because there’s someone who depends on you to survive.

These are the ones I’ve thought of so far. It really frustrates me that every time someone says they’re okay with no children someone feels the URGE to disclaim the blessings that children are. Come on, people. Some kids are brats. Most of them will be some time or other. And that’s ok. They’re just kids.

Let’s stop guilt-tripping people into reproducing and then pointing judgmental fingers when they hate being parents, regret having had kids, are absent, or simply can’t keep up.  If we really must scare people into having children because they’ll regret not having them later on (which is absurd, ridiculous, and irresponsible on so many levels), shouldn’t that level of desperation be enough to convince any sane adult that it is indeed not a very good idea in the first place? Isn’t it a lot less harmful to regret not having children then to live everyday with people whose entire existences you regret and resent? What’s good for you may not be the best for me. And that’s what makes the world interesting.


~ by 1cellinthesea on August 15, 2016.

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