My Cup of Coffee

I want to get over you. I want this feeling to be gone, this feeling of loss. Like I have lost something great and precious, like I have let something really good slip right through my fingers. I want to remember you as something good, something that had its beginning, middle and end. I want this feeling that this is the end to go away.

I don’t want to cry hard for you at 4 in the morning, so hard I can’t breathe and my chest hurts. I don’t want to feel anymore like there will never be another man. Like no one else will talk to me the way you did, like no one will ever be that tender to me again, like no one will ever like me so much.

It’s funny, because I figured I didn’t have the time to waste on you anymore, and tried to talk to you. but you paid no mind so I got mad and said how I didn’t matter to you. And you never brought it up or tried to tell me differently. That hurt like hell. Still does.

I could have loved you. I’m not sure if I do or did. But I could.

Drives me crazy not knowing how much you cared or didn’t. Not knowing if you still think of me, if you think of how it ended… if you miss me. I miss you so fucking much. I still wonder if that song you posted was about me… Did you ever want me to stay for more than a little while?

I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

I thought I was strong but in the end, I’m just a sad, silly, lonely little girl pining over a man who doesn’t care.

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~ by 1cellinthesea on February 17, 2014.

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