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He always talks of sex. I’ve missed our talks, in spite of that, since it’s been long since the last time we really talked. I thought he had met someone, was beginning to move on and I wanted to, also, cause he’s half-the-world away. We talked almost a month ago and he said he had he’s arms wide open just waiting for me. Stupid me melted just like that. Said I missed him, and I do… Just fear it’s all sex. I think I can’t believe there will ever be a man out there who will want the whole thing: sex + caring. Not necessarily love, though, at some point, of course I’ll want it. I just want to live it all. But anyway. How do I ask him or how do I know if it’s not just sex for him? We talked today and he told me about the new gadget he’ll be getting to use at work and was really excited. I thought it was so cute! And he said before he never talks about work with anyone but it’s different with me. Maybe because I’m so curious and he has a very atypical profession. Still, I’m confused.


He’s been suspiciously nice to me. The other day he asked if I was wearing make-up (people always think I’m wearing eyeliner even on days when I don’t bother with lip balm) and I said no. So he said, you have natural make up? I said yeah, cause I was embarrassed and shocked at the bluntness. He said, I always thought you came to martial arts class with make up on. I tried desperately not to blush as he’s the hottest guy in the gym, the kind I always dreamt of hooking up with, but he has a girlfriend. Kinda failed a little I guess (usually it fails spectacularly) and I grinned shyly. I was suspecting he’d been hitting on me. Insecure me still does. But felt nice to get a compliment (well, it felt like one even if he didn’t say it was nice, just thought I had make up on), cause I’ve been feeling like an ogre lately.


He’s gone missing again, probably working but I see him posting in Facebook and his cellphone tells for how long he’s been offline, so I know he logs in. I also know he logs in game. So, he’s not talking to me out of sheer lack of interest?

Meanwhile, the other one backed off after my lack of indications I was gonna hook up with him. you see, he’s a player and I had been fragile at the time and a friend made me see that while casual sex with him would be awesome, it wasn’t going to be good for me right then.

So, here I am. Really needing a dog. -.-


~ by 1cellinthesea on August 8, 2013.

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