Strange & Beautiful

You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see.

I’ve never told a guy I liked him unless they said it first. I never took any risks, any chances. I’ve been holding my fragile little heart under a dome so it won’t as much as scratch. I’ve never been in love.

Well, not with anyone that knew about it and reciprocated. I’m still deciding whether or not I have ever fallen in love… I don’t have nothing to compare to, just a collection of might-have-beens and regret and heartache.

Finding out years later that guy you’re crazy about but is also shy was hitting on you is one of the heart-breaks.

And now there’s you, halfway across the world. I like your humor, you view of life, your profession, what you do for fun and the fact that you have a religion and minds a few of its rules, even if you’re not very good at it.

The fact is, I’m so terrified of changes I have not been living. I was afraid of the changes following a confession and losing people. Like I’m afraid to tell you I got a crush on you that we both know will never be fulfilled and that those words will change our friendship.

I like your pet name for me, how you tease me and talk to me about many things. I would be crushed if you stopped talking to me like that and talking like you do to all the other girls…

I am scared I will never find anyone to whom I feel connected to where I am.

wish life were like this

I keep imagining me tipsy at new year’s eve party, sitting on the couch with a drink then a guy comes chat and we really hit it off… and maybe I’m remembering another guy that lifted me off the bench and cradled me on his lap (best. move. ever!). So i imagine me on this guy’s lap, just talking and having fun and maybe getting a foot massage… YES, I KNOW! Never gonna happen. But if it did… would be so much better than cheesy pick up lines, empty small talk and meaningless ‘you’re beautiful’s before a kiss…

On 2013, I just want to be happy.

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~ by 1cellinthesea on December 31, 2012.

One Response to “Strange & Beautiful”

  1. […] I thought he had met someone, was beginning to move on and I wanted to, also, cause he’s half-the-world away. We talked almost a month ago and he said he had he’s arms wide open just waiting for me. […]

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