I’m too young to feel this old…

Too bad, then you’re not getting laid tonight.

Well tonight started with me driving to a wedding with mom, dad and old-fashioned-aunt. A very agonizingly slow drive, through which I had to listen to old-fashioned-aunt complain about how her son wasn’t going to our cousin’s cousin wedding. Somewhere along the ride I remembered my antidepressants had run out two days ago, so, me crying hard over you last night, and feeling crappy right then and now was likely also related to that.

Then the dancing started, and although my feet hurt like hell, I felt like dancing and big brother wanted to dance with me, so there we went. Then I really felt like dancing. But, nice-cousin was hitting on girls, brother was shitfaced in a deep conversation with my uncle, and savvy-baby-cousin was going back-and-forth with her boyfriend. I tried getting savvy-baby-cousin and nice-cousin to keep me company but they were otherwise occupied so I ended up dancing with crazy-party-girl-aunt, which was awesome since I felt like forgetting about myself for a while.

Sometime during the party nice-cousin asked me about getting a boyfriend. I said, feeling quite self-conscious, I didn’t have one. I should have said, do I look like I need one? 🙂 So I tried drinking until I couldn’t feel my feet, but pina collada – as it always does – went down like a brick and my tummy hurt. So, after no company, no cute guys, and one aching tummy, I decided to go home with parents. Which created a family drama because moneyless brother wanted to stay behind with my money, while parents wanted shitfaced moneyless brother to go home. Home we went, after enough nagging from grouchy, buzzkilling dad, who couldn’t indulge my mom and stay until the cake got served. Then, this awesome old song started playing, one I used to hate when I was little but love now, so I kicked off my shoes, went outside where my brother was talking to the staff and pulled him back into the hall to dance with me – in the silliest, most carefree, tacky way. I loved it. He cheered up and I was happy for the entire song. Then the cab arrived and home we went, brother talking drunken shit about society that I honestly not only don’t believe but think is depressing, father complaining and mom righteously fed up.

Meanwhile, nice-cousin was alternating between kissing 3 different girls (without them knowing). He’s far from handsome. He’s not tall. He’s got a bad haircut I always say I’m gonna fix because he’s a lawyer and can’t afford to have that hair. Actually, I don’t think it’s a haircut, it’s just hair inordinately on top of his head. He’s also chubby. And girls throw themselves at him, which makes me incredibly happy, cause he deserves nothing less.

I arrived home sober, when I felt like being wasted. My feet hurt in a way so horrible I can’t describe. I’m developing a problem in them, one that will make them look ugly and prevent me from wearing heels just as I’m discovering my passion for them. I felt pretty and alone and unloveable. But fuck, with all the things going on in my life, maybe what really matters is that, no, I am not getting laid tonight.

But thank you for the kind, loud and clear, not to mention, very public reminder. Congrats, you’ve made me cry hard for the second night in a row.



~ by 1cellinthesea on December 9, 2012.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: